Exclusive EXAholics.com interview with NYC’s Top Dateologist, Tracey Steinberg By Dr. Robi Ludwig

If you want to attract someone great into your life, former attorney turned dateologist, Tracey Steinberg  www.Tracey Steinberg.com  can help you do it. She is the author of Flirt for Fun and Meet the One, as well as a dating coach and flirting expert. She has used her expertise to help may women and men find that special someone they’ve been looking for. Her successful dating coaching programs have led to countless successful relationships in both the New York and Los Angeles areas, as well as all across the USA and around the world.

In addition to being extremely talented and passionate about her work, she is on a personal mission to help everyone find lasting love. I sat down with her recently to find out more about her thoughts regarding the ever popular topic, what it takes to find and keep love!

 What’s is the most important recommendation  you have for people who are trying to move forward, and towards their relationship goals? What do they need to keep in mind when they are trying to find a healthy and rewarding relationship? 

Like attracts like and a healthy, confident person will only be with another healthy, confident person.  If you can’t honestly say that you are in a healthy place yet then I’d rather you work on building your self-esteem, cutting unhealthy ties, learn what is truly important to you in a relationship, learn how to spot “undercover hotties,” and improve your dating skills overall before you try to find that healthy relationship.  Then, once you are in a healthy place I say GO FOR IT!!! You need quantity to find quality so get your booty over to speed dating events, various singles events, ask your friends to introduce you to other singles, and create an amazing online profile on a site which has lots of members.  If you keep putting yourself in a position to meet new people you will meet a lot of people and eventually the creme will rise to the top. Before you know it you’ll meet someone special and the reasons why it didn’t work out with your ex will become crystal clear.

 What type of personality characteristics are most helpful when it comes to moving forward after a difficult break up in order to feel good about themselves, and ultimately find love? 

Moving forward after a difficult break up can be extremely challenging. Like every great challenge in life, when you have optimism, hope and faith you can do what is necessary to move forward and find real love. If you aren’t feeling that way right now it is smart to spend some time figuring out what will make you feel that way.  Perhaps you’d like to think about other times in your life when you weren’t feeling hopeful and it all worked out?  Perhaps you’d like to go somewhere that supports your faith that everything will work out for the best? Whatever supports you having optimism, hope and faith is worth it during this challenging time.

What 3 tips can you give our readers, that will help them get the most out of their dating life? 

a. Don’t take any relationship seriously until you are in a serious relationship and that person has earned your emotions.

b. Understand that not everyone is available to everyone at every minute and its not about YOU.  Some people are married, some people just lost their job and some people will think you look like their ex who broke their heart. You aren’t going to be right for everyone just like everyone’s not going to be right for you and its not a big deal.  Just wipe that dirt off your shoulder and keep going forward.

c. Embrace the adventure that comes with meeting new people and trying new things and have as much fun as humanly possible as a single person.

 Where are the best places to meet the right man or the right women today? 

Singles events, speed dating events, online dating and your every day life are teeming with exciting singles who want to meet someone special.  The more people you meet the more likely it is that you’ll meet the right person.  So, put on a cute outfit, get out of your home (unless you’re on an online dating site), smile big and say “hi,” to all of the attractive people around you. I’ve had many clients who have met their wives and husbands through both the traditional way and random ways.  You just never know when you’ll bump into someone who turns out to be the love of your life.  But you need to put yourself in a position where that is possible on a consistent basis.

 What can readers learn from your new book that will help them flirt and find the one? 

My new book, “Flirt For Fun & Meet The One,” is a fun and easy-to-read book which reveals how to figure out who is and isn’t worthy of your precious time, how to attract the best person for you, how to flirt effortlessly, where to go to find high-quality singles, and how to keep your hot date desperate for more.  I’m really proud of it and I’m so happy to share that the reviews on Amazon have been pretty amazing.

What’s the best way to learn more about you and your services? 

My site www.TraceySteinberg.com is filled with dating advice that includes everything from how to move forward after a bad breakup to how to best enjoy the single life to how to maintain a healthy relationship once you’ve met someone special.  I also work one-on-one privately with people and host my uber-fun Flirting Parties in which I encourage everyone to flirt with each other.  Now THOSE are a lot of fun 🙂


From Breakup to Breakthrough

From Break Up to Breakthrough
By Dr. Robi Ludwig

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Nothing can deflate an ego or jab you through the heart more than a love relationship gone bad. Rejection is never easy, but it’s especially tough when it comes from the person who you’ve built so many of your fantasies and life dreams around.
Let’s face it, we live in a world that idealizes love, romance and relationships. It feels good to be part of a couple, even when we really like who we are and enjoy our own company. So when a breakup happens, it tends to set into motion many of our insecurities, self doubts and obsessional thinking.
As a NYC psychotherapist, breakups are one of the top problems I help patients work through in treatment. Why? Because breakups hurt! They hurt emotionally, they hurt physically, and are often used as one more way to prove one’s lack of lovability in the romance department.
Researchers have long been fascinated by why these unwanted breakups affect us the way they do. Most people understand feeling rejected and dejected are common experiences. So is the feeling of being unable to let go; even when you should and really want to. Family and friends might push you to get over the relationship-gone-bad and just move on, yet brain researchers have a new understanding about why this may be easier said than done; especially during the first few months after a relationship ends.
The following studies were done on unmarried college students, but they still give us some insight into why these events are so emotionally tough to tolerate. MRI’s, known as functional Magnetic resonance imaging brain scans, show some interesting activity in several specific areas of the brain, when the rejected individual sees a photo of their ex. The scientists who conducted this study found the same areas of the brain lit up including the insula and anterior cingulate cortex, known to be associated with the experience of physical pain.

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And there may be a physiological reason for craving our ex, too. MRI’s recorded brain activity of people who recently experienced a break up, but still felt love for their ex. When viewing photographs of their former partners, activity in the area of the brain associated with reward and motivation, specifically, the release of dopamine, which is a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and addiction. The love lorn experiences cravings for an ex, in a similar way that a drug addict craves drugs.
The evolutionary explanation for this could be nature’s way of protecting us. In the wild, our chance of sidestepping predators, are increased when we are part of a group vs. alone. Social rejection may have at one time been an actual threat to our physical survival for our early ancestors. If this is true, it could explain why it’s so difficult to let go of an ex and move on.

The good news is, despite the short term pain caused by breakups, the longer term findings show most people are resilient and recover from them. Other studies show brain activity in the craving parts of the brain also decreased as time goes on. The similarity to addiction may give those experiencing a break up, a framework to better understand the intensity of their feelings. As is true for addicts dealing with addictions, it helps to have a supportive network, like the one found on www.exaholics.com where you can find a group of people you can rely on for emotional support. It’s important to have people you can turn to when you’re tempted to call that ex and/or just regress in general. And if people, places or activities associated with your past relationship or your ex, trigger your cravings, it might be best to avoid them all together, and add some new routines into your life repertoire.

Breakups although painful, shouldn’t be viewed as failures. They should be viewed as lessons. There is always hope for a loving future. Why not view the pain from a break up as growing pains instead? Growing pains to the gateway of a new and improved life, you’re about to venture into.


Why Do So Many Songs Talk About Home?

Why Your Home Rocks

Why Are There So Many Songs About “Home”?
By Dr. Robi Ludwig

 

Artists across all genres sing about “home.” What is it about this idea of home that makes it so popular among artists and lyricists?

Music is one of the most powerful and universal vehicles to represent and convey our inner emotions. It’s not only an important part of our cultural dialogue, but it also plays a key role in how we feel. Music can lift our spirits and in doing so, improve our quality of life. Music therapy has been used for centuries as a way to restore energy, improve mood, and even help the body heal. Research in “http://morehappy.me/tag/happiness/” The Journal of Positive Psychology and  “http://munews.missouri.edu/news-releases/2013/0514-trying-to-be-happier-works-when-listening-to-upbeat-music-according-to-mu-research/” scientists at the University of Missouri found people can improve their mood and overall sense of happiness just by listening to upbeat music. Given all of these benefits, it’s interesting to observe how one of the most talked about topics in all music is this idea of “home.”

To create something that resonates with their audience, skilled lyricists communicate an intimate part of themselves. Writing a song from the heart is the best way to reach out and connect to an audience. Compelling descriptions about a touching experience are the most powerful way to bring listeners deeper into the artist’s world.

And that’s where the idea of home comes into the psychology of songwriting. If home truly is where the heart is, what better topic is there to communicate a message from the heart? When artists turn to experiences that shaped their lives, many times they turn home.

 

Homes carry unique emotional meaning for all of us. No matter who you are or where you’re from, home means something to you. Homes serve as the backdrop for our childhood memories as well as the background of the interpersonal dramas in our lives. Our homes hold an iconic status as a place we can always belong. A place we can always be ourselves, let our guard down and still be loved. This commercial from Coldwell Banker captures the feeling of home pretty well. Home is a place you look forward to, a place where just being yourself is good enough.

Music and home share some surprising parallels. Music has the power to unite people. It’s a language that seems to speak to who we really are. And it’s a language that is always evolving. So many emotions exist inside of our music, and there is an undeniable intimate and personal side to it.


Eco-Budget-Conscious Fashionistas, This is Your Lucky Year to Shine!!

by Dr. Robi Ludwig

www.mindycara.com
www.mindycara.com
    In the middle of a crowded and popular New York City diner on Madison Avenue, I had the opportunity to interview two lovely and dynamic ladies in the fashion world: Bonnie Levine and Stephanie Pietromonaco. This dynamic duo have been friends since kindergarten and are now the enterprising pair behind the luxury e-commerce consignment shop, www.Mindycara.com.
    Budget conscious fashionistas are now in luck! This on-line store specializing in selling luxury, preowned designer clothes and accessories, is now available to anyone who wants to look like a movie star but has to consider the financial bottom line. The site, which originally launched on ebay, became Mindycara.com in 2013.
    What’s so striking about Bonnie and Stephanie is the passion and vision they have for their store as well as how they make others feel about themselves. After sitting with them for only a few moments, I too felt like I could have been friends with them since grade school.
    Bonnie and Stephanie clearly have an eye for beautiful clothes, but more importantly, they know how to take care of their valued customers. The Mindycara client becomes one of their special friends. The buyer becomes a friend who is taken care of and can trust these two owners to have her best interests at heart. Perhaps this is one reason Mindycara.com is becoming a favorite go-to-site amongst chic women who want to feel and look their best at a more economical price.
   It’s this nurturing approach that’s helped the owners to cultivate a unique clothing-owner-clientele relationship. The clients who share their clothes with them consist of New York City’s high profile, socialites, TV personalities, artists, designers, as well as the ladies who lunch crowd.
Bonnie and Stephanie bring their respective professional backgrounds in business, marketing, fashion, in addition to their stellar artistic eye, to carefully curate authentic, quality clothes that have classic appeal. And whatever they are doing, it’s working, because they now have both worldwide clients and buyers who are hooked and loyal fans.
    Let’s face it, designer clothes are the dream of every fashion conscious woman. The magic behind these clothes is that they’re gorgeous, well tailored, and in some cases can even boost one’s social status. They almost always boost one’s visual self-esteem. Choosing the “right” clothes is not only about being fashionable, but enhances a woman’s take control attitude and that feel good from the inside out. Mindycara.com intuitively understands well-made, well-designed clothes which can enhance a woman’s appearance and empower her to do great things. I think we can all agree, when a woman is confident, she radiates a special kind of beauty and glow.
    Bonnie and Stephanie were recently honored when Mindycara Luxury Consignment was recognized among the leaders in the fashion industry. The fashion industry and environmentally conscious individuals recognized them as being a small business, helping to save the environment, by encouraging women to “recycle” their luxury goods, which might otherwise end up in landfills.
    As we finished up our delightful lunch, a stunning Upper East Side Fashionista stopped by our table to say, “Hello” and to let these two ladies know she had more fabulous clothes to send Mindycara’s eco-chic way.
    Mindycara.com is looking forward to a successful 2014. Bonnie and Stephanie plan to grow their business. Their secret for success is to continue to provide exemplary customer service to both their clients who trust them to sell their luxury items, as well as their exquisitely tasteful buyers, who now proudly come from all over the world.